When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
