Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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