I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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