I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
His hands were made for my vagina.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
