We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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