speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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