So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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