im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
