That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
