I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
