Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Green mimosas i think yes
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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