i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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