Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
