i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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