On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
