Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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