How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We don't watch enough power rangers
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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