did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
