It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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