man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
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I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
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I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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