one might say we're banned from that church
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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