Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
