Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize