im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
