if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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