I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize