Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
