Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
