he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
