Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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