there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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