Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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