i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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