my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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