I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
