i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
