The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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