shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
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Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
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Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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