i wish my penis had a tongue
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
