I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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