Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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