I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
