so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just want to make out with him forever
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
