Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
