apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
