i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
