I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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