just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
