I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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