Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
