Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
