Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
