$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
