Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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