my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
