he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
