You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
