Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I still have a little drunk in my system
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
