I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
