After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
